Social Anxiety and Me

Social Anxiety is something I've dealt with in varying degrees for years.

It manifests itself mainly in worrying for me. Worrying what people will think, worrying that I'm being judged and worrying I won't have anything Interesting to add to the conversation.

I'm now in to my 12th week of lockdown and I've found my social anxiety has gotten steadily worse. Not seeing anyone for so long has made me question how I will be when I can eventually see people again and this has made it spiral. One of the biggest Issues for me is talking to people mainly through messenger it's very easy to misinterprit or convince yourself that a simple comment has deeper meaning.

The problem I then have is I panic about having zoom chats incase people can see how uncomfortable I feel and the cycle continues.

I know I'm not the only one feeling like this at the moment so I wanted to talk about it and address some of the misconceptions that I often hear.

But you're always so sociable...

Having social anxiety doesn't mean your anti-social.The thought of socialising can bring feelings of fear but when I'm actually in a social situation the feelings often tend to go. I love seeing my friends and doing fun things with the people I love, Sometimes it just takes a bit more for me to be able to do that.

I can spend hours panicking, building narratives up in my head of all the bad things that might happen and when I actually get there they start to fade away. I try really hard to push past these feelings and get myself out of my comfort zone because I know the more I push myself to do it, the easier it starts to become.

This isn't always the case though. Sometimes it will be too much and I'll cancel or rearrange and sometimes I'll go and be quiet and uncomfortable. I'm lucky that I have a supportive husband who is very good at picking up when I'm uncomfortable and some great friends who are completely understanding and never take it personally, but there are people that don't understand because they've never dealt with it themselves. Just remember to be patient with people. Things may not always be as they seem so don't jump to conclusions too quickly.

I am starting to learn that I feel so much better when I'm honest with why I'm cancelling. It helps to talk about it and stops me then spiralling even more, worrying about what people are thinking of me cancelling. (Yes, it's exhausting)

But don't you have to be sociable for your job?

Yes, I have a job where I'm talking to people I don't know all day every day.

I find it easier than you'd imagine to speak to customers in a store setting. I've had 14 years of practice and, not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty good at it.

There is a performative element to my job. This doesn't mean I'm not genuine in my interactions, more that I know what I'm doing and find it easier when I have a clear Idea of how the conversations are going to go so there's not too many surprises. I'm very comfortable in my work environment and feel confident in what I'm talking about which makes it so much easier.

There will occasionally be customers that can completely ruin your day (I've had someone tell me before that my tattoos are disgusting and make me look less pretty, that was fun) but luckily they are few and far between. If you're one of those people that likes to belittle people working in customer service, just remember your comments hold weight and can stay with people for a long time after you've left the store and forgotten about it.

I haven't realised before how much my job helps me with my social anxiety until it's suddenly not there anymore. If you struggle with social anxiety too and it's put you off working in a customer faced environment, I'd definitely say to give it a go. You might surprise yourself.

My tips for managing social anxiety